"Jacob Black, she's not coming back. La Push has come to shove & she's through with you. Don't you see? You're just a dog to me? If you come near her again I'll eat ya too.
First ya missed her, then ya kissed her, I was watching, you think you're fine. I'm waiting, contemplating, don't you screw up or you're mine! You're nothing but a dog, & it's time for you to face the truth. You're nothing but a dog, & she's still way too good for you! Just watch your back cause who knows what I'll do? Jacob Black I've got my eye on you!
The other day I thought I heard you say "may the best man win," but I see through your ploy. You may think that you are on the brink of winner her love but you are just a boy.
First ya missed her, then ya kissed her, I was watching you think you're fine. I'm waiting, contemplating, don't you screw up or you're mine! You're nothing but a dog, & it's time for you to face the truth. You're nothing but a dog, & she's still way too good for you! Watch you're back cause who knows what I'll do? Jacob Black I've got my eye on you!
You were there to save her life when I was far away. Differences aside & I say thank you anyway. The bigger man will shake your hand & pretty soon you'll see. In your mind you're kissing her, in life she's kissing me! You're nothing but a dog, it's time to face the truth. You're nothing but a dog & she's still way too good for you. Watch your back cause who knows what I'll do? Jacob Black I've got my eye on you!"~The Mitch Hansen Band~

BUFFY: "Every single night the same arrangement, I go out and fight the fight. Still, you always feel this strange estrangement, nothing here is real, nothing here is right. I've been making shows of trading blows, just hoping no one knows that I've been going through the motions, walking through the part. Nothing seems to penetrate my heart. I was always brave and kind of righteous, now I find I'm wavering. Crawl out of a grave, you find this fight just doesn't mean a thing..."
DEMONS: "She ain't got that swing.."
BUFFY: "Thanks for noticing..."
DEMONS: "She does pretty well with fiends from hell, but lately, we can tell that she that she's just going through the motions, faking it somehow. She's not even half the girl she...owww!
BUFFY: "Will I stay this way forever? Sleepwalk through my life's endeavor?"
VICTIM: "How can I repay...?"
BUFFY: "Whatever...I don't want to be going through the motions, losing all my drive. I can't even see if this is really me. And I just want to fell alive!"
Buffy the Vampire Slayer, "Once More with Feeling"

my sweet 10 year old daughter had her pain endurance tested yesterday. while she was outside playing with her friends, the neighbor boy YANKED on her arm. she came inside crying so hard, swore it had been dislocated. she is such a skinny kid, that it was hard to tell whether or not it was out of place, so, to be safe, i took her the InstaCare (which is why i missed class). she had her first set of x-rays taken, & we were very luck that her shoulder was not dislocated but probably strained...needless to say she was in a lot of pain. today she wore her arm in a sling & only complained about her neck muscles hurting. for as small as she is...she is one tough cookie!! =)

it has been an adventure watching my 5 year old daughter-who normally likes to play with boys & considers herself a tomboy- & my friends 6 year boy interact. what i would like to see is them play together & entertain each other. this is so not the case. i think because they are so much a like that they really don't get along well at all! because he has 2 older brothers, he likes to play a little rough, where she likes to wrestle, but gets hurt easily. they also both need to be in control of the play & then eventually start to fight & tattle on each other. he also gets frustrated very easily when things don't go his way & she gets a little aggressive. we, as parents, decided to get each one of them a small remote control car. this seemed to do the trick...for a while until they found out that they can control the others car with their own remote by a simple switch! maybe as they get older they will grow out of this "stage" & learn to play together better. i guess all we can do is wait & see.

there are four boys in the kitchen . one is trying to make dinner (age 13), one is running around like chicken with his head cut off (age 6, i think he has ADHD), another is arguing with his brother about how do wash a cookie sheet (age ), and the oldest (their father, age 35) is dancing around in tights!! (actually they're thermal pants) he's the silliest of the bunch! but boys are crazy! it's all about crude noises and seeing who can hit the other harder in the... you know where. in my home there are only girls, my two daughters and me. my kids are crazy, but it's amazing how different boys are from girls. it has actually been a learning experience. my ex had three brother's and told me all the stories about all the trouble that they would get into and all the crazy stuff that they did, but now i am able to see it first hand. however, these boys are pretty well behaved and so far i haven't witnessed anything dangerous. but it sure has been fun to hang out and get to know them.
my hands are cold now and it is getting hard to type so i'm gonna sign out for now!

what a great day!! my friend past his GED today! i am so proud of him! he's been struggling with a lot of things in his personal life lately as well as depression. one of his biggest issues is not having a vehicle (his truck is now sitting in his driveway cause it only goes backwards). i have lent him my car almost everyday so that he can go & study with our church missionaries. now, it shows that all of his hard work has paid off! now i just need to get my act together & the research done for both of my classes so i can get my papers written! why do i have to have two this term? =( i know this sounds bad, but i was kind of hoping that my kids would go to their dad's this week (it's Spring Break here in Utah) so that i could get most of my home work done, but they won't be leaving until Friday. oh well...they are a joy to have around no matter what!!

here is a sample of something that i am working on.

Zennon couldn’t sleep. It wasn’t because of the hard ground or the chill in the night air. Why then? He lay on his back and stared up at the sky and tried to find the stars hidden behind the trees high above. He propped himself up on his elbows and looked at her across the fire. He had his answer. Ever since they touched; no it was the kiss they shared that afternoon. He couldn’t stand to be away from her, even just a few feet.
She looked up and met his gaze. They stared into each other’s eyes for a few seconds. He could see the flames reflected in her beautiful green eyes.
“I thought you were sleeping?” She said.
“Can’t,” He replied.
“Oh. Yes, I seem to be having the same problem. It is too quiet I think.”
Zennon sat up and looked around, thoughtful. He made his decision. “Umm…would you mind if I sleep over there with you? I mean, it’s kinda chilly and…I mean I won’t try anything I promise.” It was a lame excuse and he knew it. But he had to be close to her.
Lilly looked at him thoughtfully for a moment and then nodded her head yes. It was hard not to let the smile form on his face. He got up and walked over to her side of the fire. He was instantly content and at ease. He knelt down next to her. She lay down then, and he followed. They just looked at each other. What was she thinking? Did she feel the same? Zennon closed his eyes, ready for sleep to take him and he felt her take his hand into hers. When he opened his eyes, she was still looking at him again. Her perfect lips a smile. He lifted her hand to his lips and gently kissed the back of it. They both closed their eyes to sleep-both at peace.

He had never had a more vivid dream! Everything was so full of color. He could even smell the flowers that surrounded him. He could tell by his clothes that he was a knight in the kings’ court. Not just any king, but the king of the Faeries. Just like the ones from the stories his mother used to tell him when he was a little boy.
He stood on the castle steps. It was absolutely magnificent. The castle had been built out of a silver stone within the trees and mountains. The castle torrents shone in the sunlight. The Faerie king and queen were standing on the step just a few steps above were Zennon stood. Both royals had gold crowns encircled atop their heads and their golden silk robes billowed gently in the breeze. Next to their right was the prince. He stood straight and tall just like his father with a proud look on his face.
On the other side of the king was the most beautiful being he had ever laid eyes on-the princess. She wore a lavender silk gown that cascaded to the ground. Her auburn hair was pulled away from her face but let to flow in waves down her back. Zennon could barely make out her iridescent wings fluttering in the sun. As his eyes met her hers, his heart skipped a beat. Her bright green eyes sparkled, her cheeks slightly pink, and her heart shaped lips smiled down at him. There were many more beings, rather, faeries, gathered around him, but he only had eyes for her. The ceremony was for him it seemed. He was the victor in a battle. Over what he wasn’t sure and it didn’t matter. Nothing mattered as long as she was there with him.

The dream faded as Zennon slowly woke to the early morning sun. He didn’t want the dream to end. He lay there for a moment with his eyes still closed and relished in the realness of it all. He soon realized that he was not alone. Asleep in his arms, was Lilly, her head upon his chest. Could this be true or was he still asleep? The fire had gone out during the night but he wasn’t cold. Not like the other mornings. The sun was just peeking through the tree tops and the birds were singing their early morning melodies. He didn’t was this moment to end.
Lilly started stirring. Zennon softly moved his finger down her cheek, her skin like silk. He kissed the top of her head and said, “Good morning sunshine.”
She slowly looked up at him. With the sleep still in her eyes, she smiled and whispered back, “Good morning to you too.” Zennon ran his fingers through her hair, surprised at how smooth it was and not a single tangle. He had never felt anything like it before.
Just then, Lilly jumped from his arms and was in a low crouch by his side. His hands flew to his ears as the shots rang out.
He sat up and questioned Lilly with his eyes. Here only answer was a finger to her lips letting him know to keep quiet.
Lilly looked around the wood. After what seemed like an eternity, she slowly reached for his hand. Zennon quietly got up into a crouch to meet hers.
“What is it?” He whispered. She looked at him and he saw the fear in her eyes.